This Is Why I Hate Flying
by Lexi Teniro
Summary: Take one nonstop flight from San Francisco to Tokyo. Add a sadistic captain, a hyper flight attendant, an annoying neighbor, and some serious romantic strife. Blend thoroughly and enjoy. [AU AoshixMisao]


**This Is Why I Hate Flying**

**Chapter One: Takeoff**

Disclaimer: I want to own it, but I don't.

A/N: I got this horrific plot bunny in a forum, and…here I am, with my first Aoshi/Misao in AGES. This is only going to be a few chapters long…not sure HOW long yet, but not too long. Anyway. Onward we go.

**.x.x.x.x.**

Aoshi impatiently glanced at his watch. Late. Always late. Was there ever a plane that WASN'T late? Everything was going wrong. The cab driver had been late to his apartment, his luggage had dragged in the mud, a bratty child had taken up precious moments at the checking counter, and his carryon was just a TAD too big. Then he had all but run to the opposite terminal of the airport in an attempt to catch his flight, only to discover that it had been delayed nearly an hour.

Flying was not his favorite thing to do.

"Now boarding families with small children and…"

He moaned. Only now were they FINALLY beginning the boarding, and he was naturally way up in the second row of first class.

The man sighed, crossed his arms across his tailored suit and ice-blue tie, and looked around the airport. Lightly padded leather waiting seats lined up in neat rows, all the occupants appearing to be equally impatient as him. Infants wailed at the next gate and two little boys chased each other past his seat. He gave the mother a reproving glare, and she shrugged her shoulders apologetically. Something in her haggard appearance touched him, and he removed his gaze briskly, staring instead at the small, cheerful flight attendant chatting over by the gate.

Her indigo, official-looking vest and matching skirt offset the blue shine to her hair. Navy stockings covered toned legs, and her dark blue shoes were clean and well maintained. Sea green eyes sparkled merrily and her hands never stopped moving for even an instant, animatedly acting out every indistinguishable word she was passing to the other girl. Both of them laughed, and the smaller one glanced over at him, making eye contact and grinning. He nodded politely and distractedly returned to his newspaper.

"Now boarding rows fifteen and forward…all remaining passengers should board at this time."

Ah, so it was HER voice that was so infuriatingly happy.

He decided Satan must sound similar.

Aoshi grabbed his laptop and started through the bustling mess of people towards the gate. He gingerly maneuvered through the wild children and exhausted parents, finally handing his boarding pass to the green-eyed attendant.

"Hi, and welcome aboard!" she said mechanically to him. But her grin was genuine. There was no doubt about it—this girl loved her job.

The man dispassionately boarded the aircraft, sliding elegantly into his comfortable leather seat. He carefully stowed his laptop and attempted to get comfortable.

"Hello! You look Japanese…are you going home to Tokyo?"

He turned to look at the man next to him and nearly hurled. The redhead smiled cheerily. "I certainly am! Business may take me away, but I always will return to Japan!"

Aoshi smiled sourly back. "Indeed. How…quaint."

"Home is where the heart is, after all," the man continued, seemingly oblivious to the blatant aura of hostility positively oozing from Aoshi.

"Indeed," he repeated, turning away as a clear signal for the man to leave him alone.

"Oh! I haven't yet introduced myself. I'm terribly sorry," he pattered on. Aoshi closed his eyes in annoyance. "I'm Himura Kenshin. And you?"

"Shinomori Aoshi." He purposefully neglected to add a customary "pleasure to meet you".

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Shinomori!" Kenshin grinned happily.

_Maybe if I don't say anything, he'll just…go away…_

"So, what were you doing in San Francisco?"

_…Never mind._

"Business," he answered shortly.

"Really? Me too!" That smile again. It prompted a strange longing to cut the smile (and adjacent head) right off the neck.

"Look, Mr. …Himura, was it?" He didn't really care.

"Indeed it is!" the small man piped cheerfully.

"Please…leave me alone."

Kenshin smiled knowledgeably. "Ah, flying makes you nervous, too? I completely understand. Why, it wasn't until a few flights ago that I finally—"

"Hello, welcome aboard!"

Aoshi sighed in relief. Saved by the…escape talk.

"Please pay close attention to the following safety procedures! I'm Misao in the front of the cabin, and there's Kaoru in the middle, and Megumi in the rear! Please follow along in the pamphlet located in the seatback pocket in front of you!"

…No. Kenshin's pattering was infinitely preferable to the endless exclamations.

The safety patter went positively in one ear and out the other, but it was nearly amusing to watch the sprightly flight attendant with the expressive braid go through all the movements of the bland routine like it was the absolutely funnest thing EVER!1!one. She talked with her hands and couldn't seem to stay still. Once finished, she beamed broadly and waved at the passengers.

"Have a nice flight!"

He felt the plane start to move into the taxiing and sighed in relief.

"Anyway, as I was saying, I hate flying, too. There always seems to be someone in the seat next to you who just doesn't seem to understand that you want to sleep, or work, or something. But even worse is the boredom!"

Oh yeah. That thing was still there. He stared fixedly at his right hand, in the process observing a few crumbs and an irregularly shaped stain on the blue carpet of the aisle.

"I mean, you must be DYING, just sitting there. You aren't even in a window seat! Have you ever—"

A tone sounded and Aoshi once more let a relieved puff of air escape his lips.

"Welcome aboard flight 666 non-stop service San Francisco to Tokyo. Oh, did I say 666? I'm sorry; I meant 158. Anyway, welcome aboard, and if you die, it's not my fault."

Worried murmurs echoed throughout the cabin. Aoshi was uncertain whether the captain was joking. The tone of voice was impossible to read.

"I am your captain for this flight, Saito Hajime. Your long wait in that horrific airport is over, as we will be taking off shortly, but now you're stuck with me. Don't worry, I won't crash this plane. Unless I feel like it."

More murmurs, these louder. Even Kenshin looked uneasy.

"Anyway. Hope you have a pleasant trip. …Except for if you're noisy, smelly, or just plain annoying. Then I hope that it's horrible, but you have been warned."

The intercom clicked off.

The silence that filled the cabin could be drunk through a straw.

It clicked back on.

"Oh yeah…no use of electronic devices until I tell you. And don't think we won't notice two of you sneaking into the lavatories, because I'm telling you, it's NOT as subtle as you think it is. They're for one person at a time. Please respect the cleaning crews."

Once more there was silence, punctuated by a few nervous giggles.

"So, now we're taxiing. Isn't this fun. Oh, don't mind that bump. Stray people on the tarmac cannot harm the aircraft in any way. Although they do make quite the mess."

Aoshi coughed discreetly to hide a laugh and Kenshin looked positively horrified. A small number of the other passengers turned slightly green.

"Well, now I have to turn this off for a while and leave you so I can fly this thing. Enjoy the flight."

The final click off was deafening in the silence.

No one spoke as the plane picked up speed and lifted off.

About five minutes into the air, Kenshin broke the shocked stillness. He turned to Aoshi, attempting a grin. "Our captain certainly seems confident! That must be a good thing!"

Aoshi ignored him, gaze caught by that same small flight attendant and two others, having a heated discussion on the hallway to the captain's cabin.

"That Saito…" she growled, clenching her fists. "I can't believe they haven't fired him yet. He scares the passengers SENSELESS!"

"Well, Misao…" a slightly older woman said slowly and reasonably, "There really isn't anyone else, you know. And he IS one of the best pilots that there is."

"Shut up, Megumi!" emphatically voiced the third, tugging at her high ponytail. "Saito's a nasty, cold-hearted, sadistic creep, through and through!"

"He's heartless and brutal!"

"Vicious!"

"Evil!"

"Spawn of—"

"As much fun as you two seem to be having," Megumi cut in, "We are on this plane not to gossip, but to work. Work, you remember work, right? You get paid for it. You have to smile and be nice and—"

"We know our jobs!" Misao rolled her eyes and sighed. "But if you insist…"

The three slapped on cheery smiles and stood tall, hands clasped professionally in front of them. Aoshi had to wonder just how they managed it. Then he remembered the man next to him. Who was still talking.

"…She IS quite pretty. I can see why you've been staring at her for the past five minutes."

He jumped and blinked at the redhead. "…Excuse me?"

"The girl with the ponytail. Very spirited."

_Ponytail…? What?_

"I think you are mistaken," he replied shortly. "The girl with the ponytail is the one that YOU seem to be smitten with."

"S-Smitten!" Kenshin turned bright pink. "She is pretty, but…I…"

Aoshi ignored him as the man once more launched into endless babbling and raised his hand lethargically, gesturing to the flight attendant with the ponytail. "Excuse me."

She came hurrying over, glancing at Kenshin for the briefest of moments before looking back at him, grinning. "Can I help you, sir?"

He turned in his seat, resting his arm on the dark gray armrest and making steady eye contact. "I would like a mineral water, if you have it, and my…friend here has something he'd like to say to you." Aoshi gestured over his shoulder with his thumb at the small man next to him.

"ORO?" Kenshin squeaked, pink.

The girl blushed a bit. "Ah…I will get that mineral water right away! I…I'll be right back!" She hurried to the front of the cabin and ducked behind the curtain.

Aoshi leaned back in his seat with a sigh, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. Kenshin looked utterly mortified.

"Was that REALLY necessary?" he inquired miserably, fiddling with his dark purple tie.

"Yes," Aoshi replied without pause.

"But…why?" the man asked desperately.

"Well…" Aoshi replied, crossing his arms, "You would never make any sort of move on your own, so this will force you to finally do something. I'm sure you've never had a girlfriend before."

"I have TOO had a girlfriend!" Kenshin indignantly squeaked.

"Oh yes?" An eyebrow rose. "How many?"

"…Well…one…but that's not the point!"

**.x.x.x.x.**

"Misao!" Kaoru hissed. "MISAO! Get over here!"

Misao hurried down the aisle towards Kaoru, who was hiding behind the curtain to the kitchen. "What is it?"

"Th-that guy…the redhead, see? I think he…LIKES me! What should I do?"

The other girl glanced over. "That's a he?"

Kaoru glared. "Yes, it's a he! And I think he's really cute!"

Misao shrugged. "Well, if you think…_he's_ cute, then go ahead and be all…flirty, or whatever. Just remember the rule."

She tilted her head and frowned. "What rule?"

An evil grin spread over Misao's face. "No witnesses for murder or sex! Gotta go: 17-A is calling me!" She took off, giggling, eager to get away from the blushing and mildly homicidal Kaoru.

Kaoru sighed and leaned back against the wall, carefully out of Kenshin's sight. And they were only…she checked her watch…seventeen minutes into this flight. Oh, this one would be long indeed…

**.x.x.x.x.**

A/N: Well? Shall I continue it? No? Please review, especially with constructive criticism! I LIVE for that stuff!


End file.
